Slayers Outrageous: Xellos has a daughter!
by Tsumira
Summary: A basket full of goodies for Xellos? No! It's a baby! What will Xellos do know that he's a father? Can he even SURVIVE fatherhood!
1. Default Chapter

What? Is it true? Xellos has a daughter?  
  
Chapter One. Unexpected Fatherhood.  
  
Having been relieved of his duties for a well deserved, and perhaps even a century long, vacation by a very insistent Lord Beastmaster, Xellos continues his partying at a locale tavern. Girls, attracted to his mysterious demeanor and ungodly looks, google and giggle with awe as he prepares his super concoction. He takes a large empty barrel for use and begins gathering up his secret ingredients. First he pours in a bottle of fine red wine then a cup of ale followed by a dash of cider. Next he adds a quart of martini, making sure not to grab a Martina =P, immediately mixed with two tall glasses of Bloody Mary. Xellos tosses in some vodka, not even keeping track of how much he puts in along with a six pack of ice cold beer. After adding a dash of whiskey and champagne he is almost finish. To top his concoction off, he adds one freshly brewed pot of coffee. Don't ask about the coffee.  
  
Xellos stirs the mixture well with his staff while a few other, male, drunken patrons mock him with, "Boil, boil, toil and trouble!" "Heh...I'll deal with those idiots later.", Xellos contemplates and downs the whole barrel. The bar falls under the spell of a hushed silence as Xellos wipes off the remaining beverage from his lips. He gives a slight bow to the ladies around him. Certainly no human could have survived drinking such a concoction, and a large portion at that. However, they didn't know that Xellos is far from being human. "It's a wonder I'm still alive," Xellos admits in his thoughts, "that concoction could have killed a golden dragon instantaneously! Maybe I should send a brew to Filia." Xellos smirks at the devious thought then heads upstairs to his room walking perfectly as though he had not drank a drop of alcohol. He opens the door and shuts it behind him and immediately passes out onto the floor.  
  
In the middle of the night, a mysteriously cloaked individual silent creeps up the stairs of the tavern where its guests and patrons reside. The figure walks down the hallway slowly, seemingly looking for one room in particular. It stops in front of one room and quietly sets something down on its doorstep. As swift and silent as possible, the individual slips away and back into the cold and starry outdoors.  
  
In the morning, Xellos makes a futile attempt to crawl to his feet. His hangover subdues him. "Deso wanto duu tatal.", Xellos slurs. Suddenly, Xellos disappears and immediately reappears laying on his bed. "Ah, much better! I feel refreshed! Well now to see what I can do next." Xellos heads for the door and opens it, which happens to open inside and into the room, and notices a strange basket at the doorstep. "A basket of goodies from Little Red Riding Hood to Xellos?", Xellos ponders taking the basket inside and setting it on his bed. He notices a note attached to the soft red blanket and takes it off and reads it.  
  
Dear Xellos,  
  
This is your child. I can't handle it anymore. You raise it! Ha,  
  
as if you could! I'm fed up, so she's all yours! Happy father-  
  
hood...not! Oh, by the way, I've named her Demonic  
  
Spawn of Ultimate Evil, but you can change the name if you  
  
want. Not that I care!  
  
Sincerely,  
  
The unfortunate mother of your child.  
  
Xellos slowly lifts up the blankets and peeks inside. "There's no WAY I can be a father! There MUST be a mistake."  
  
Xellos shakes his head in disbelief. "This baby doesn't even look a thing like me!", Xellos denies looking away from the baby. The baby sneezes, with only a small blanket and a smaller tuft of purple hair for warmth. "Well...it looks innocent enough....", Xellos comments shrugging as he reaches his hand down towards the infant. Immediately she bites his hand causing Xellos to recoil. Unfortunately, for Xellos, she keeps a tight grip for a baby with only two sharp pointed teeth in her mouth. (Don't ask why she's already got teeth, she's a half-mazoku for crying out loud!) Xellos attempts to shake her off, but to no avail. "Help! HELP! Someone get this Demonic Spawn of Ultimate Evil OFF OF ME!", Xellos pleads as he futilely attempts to separate the obviously his baby from his hand. Eventually, his little daughter lets go. "You BETTER be glad that I can regenerate. Now then, how about a more suitable name. Ah, I know, Mesuinu. It suits you well." For some odd reason, she likes it, thus sending shivers down her father's spine. Then again, she's way too young to even realize what that name really means.  
Suddenly a most foul aroma seeps up into Xellos's nose. "What is that smell?!", Xellos exclaims with a justified disgust. He looks at Mesuinu who seems to have a very evil look on her face for a baby. Fearing the worst, afterall, Xellos doesn't know what fatherhood is like, he cautiously peeks into the diaper nearly passing out from the massive poop aroma. "Now we'll have to do something about that!", Xellos comments and teleports away.  
  
Xellos appears walking down a forest path. "Well that solved more than one problem." However, a hideous scent still lingers near Xellos. Xellos looks left, right, behind, and down but sees nothing. Only when he looks up does he see the baby Mesuinu clutched atop his staff. "Get DOWN!", Xellos orders and begins to shake the staff. After several minutes, the baby finally flies off and Xellos teleports again and appears in a desert. "She won't find me now!" "Piiiiiiiipuuuuuuuu!", a familiar baby voice exclaims causing Xellos to jump several miles into the air. "There's no escaping you, is there?!" Xellos reluctantly picks up his baby and teleports back to his room.  
The smell has not left, and clearly there is no escape from this baby that is apparently his even in power. "Very well then. I suppose I better acquire some baby supplies for you. I can only hope that Val's giving Filia more hell than you're going to give me!", Xellos comments and teleports out. A few minutes later, he teleports back in, arms full of diapers, baby food, baby clothes, and various other essentials that he'd be sooner a happy-go-lucky defend of justice than be without! Not that he EVER wanted to be Amelia! He sets the supplies on the floors and looks on the bed. No baby.  
"Mesuinu? Mesuinu? I KNOW I wasn't hallucinating! Mesuinu! Mesuinu!" Xellos falls into a panic. First he could not get rid of her, and now he could not find her. Surely nearly wiping out entire species wasn't THAT horrific of a sin, was it? "Mesuinu! Mesuinu! Doko ni arimasu ka?" Xellos looks under the bed, under the sheets, out the window, in the closet, out in the hall, on his staff, on his leg, and in all of the drawers, but finds no trace of his baby girl. Suddenly a very stinky and poopy diaper falls splat on his face. He disintigrates the diaper and grabs several wet wipes to clean his face. He looks up to see Mesuinu floating on the ceiling. She gradually floats down in a taunting giggle. "I hope you haven't wandered out of this room while I was gone. I can only IMAGINE what Lord Beastmaster would do if she were to find out I had a kid.", Xellos mutters. 


	2. Chapter Two

What? Is it true? Xellos has a daughter?  
  
Chapter Two. The Terrible Twos!  
  
Having been relieved of his duties for a well deserved, and perhaps even a century long, vacation, Xellos is starting to believe that Lord Beastmaster knew of Mesuinu's existance before he himself did. "I've always been so loyal to you!", Xellos whines as Mesuinu sits on his head pulling out all of his hair that isn't gray. "Well, at least she is an evil lil half-mazaoku.", Xellos fondly reflects. A mangly and sickly allycat walks by hopping because one of its legs is broken. "Nyonyo.", Mesu whimpers sadly and disappears from her father's head. She immediately appears behind the cat and grabs its tail. "Ah, I remember when I first pulled a cat's tail. Poor cat didn't stand a chance against me!", Xellos reminisces fondly. Mesuinu mutters a few words in baby talk and the cat is suddenly looking very healthy and happy. She lets go of its tail and it starts purring as it rubs up against her soft and innocent face. "By XELAS!", Xellos exclaims in a panic quickly snatching up the little two year old.  
  
Mesuinu looks sadly towards the cat who had already wandered off. "Nyo....nyo.....", Mesu cries softly missing the kitty. "What did you just do to that cat?", Xellos demands of the spoiled two year old who could neither walk nor talk, but could apparently teleport and cast spells instead. Mesu gurgles and grabs her daddy's arm. A dim white light surrounds her hand causing Xellos to recoil and drop her. Of course, Mesuinu teleports safely to the ground. "That was a white magic spell! There's no WAY you can be my daughter, no, no, no way!", Xellos protests rubbing his wound.  
  
"General-Priest Xellos!", a small and dark faerie-like creature exclaims darting towards Xellos. "Eh, Incarius? What is it?", Xellos demands of the imp. "Lord Beastmaster wishes to see you immediately!", Incarius replies. "Good, I was getting bored.", Xellos admits. "Don't forget your daughter. Lord Beastmaster wishes to see her for herself.", the imp adds. "But but but! Very well." Incarius promptly disappears. Xellos reaches down to grab Mesuinu who immediately bites his hand. Not wanting his master to be angry with him, he immediately teleports with the little brat.  
  
"Ah, so this is your little baby?", Xelas Metallium inquires. "Well, no, not really. I was led to believe that she was, but there is no way she could be mine.", Xellos replies bowing as Mesuinu slides off his hand. Mesu's eyes wander towards the darting black butterfly that is flickering about. "Oh? Is that so, Xellos?" "Yes, there is no way a child of mine should be able to cast horrible holy spells." "Apparently whoever her mother was, had a lot of magical energy. Just seeing her, I believe that she possesses a very powerful ability to cast both kinds of magic." "I haven't exactly seen her cast a Dragon Slave or anything."  
  
"GIIIIIIII!!!" *CRUSH* "GIIIIIIIII!!!" *CRUSH* "GIIIIIII!!!" "Lo...." *CRUSH* "GIIIIIIIII!!!" "....rd...." *CRUSH* "GIIIIIIIII!" "Be....." *CRUSH* Xellos turns around to see what Mesuinu is doing and finds her crushing and resurrecting the poor little imp. "As you can see, she has a tendency to use her white magic quite mischieviously." Xellos eyes shift angerly towards Mesuinu who continues her wanton crushing and reviving of Incarius. "So that's why the little brat....." "Isn't she wonderful? And to think, I never expected that you'd create such a wonderous new servant for me." "You actually want Mesuinu?" "Yes, in fact, she'd make a fine assistant for you. You yourself have seen just how powerful of a force is created by fusing black and white magic, so she'd be a much valued initiative." "Indeed." "So do your best to raise her to serve as an Assistant General-Priest." "Is that an order?", Xellos inquires. "Yes...it is.", Beastmaster informs.  
  
Xellos stands atop a cliff in the desert. Mesuinu sits gazing at her surroundings on the edge of the cliff. "First lesson, if you're going to blend in, you're going to have to learn to walk. Sure, teleporting is much easier, but it gets to be pretty suspicous. Even daddy travels around by foot. Now then, come to daddy!" Mesuinu suddenly appears sitting on Xellos's staff. Xellos frowns frustrated. "My that was the right word.", Xellos remarks picking her up and setting her back on the edge. He slowly walks backs. "Alright, Mesuinu, walk for daddy!", Xellos requests wearing a fake smirk on his face. Mesuinu stumbles to stand and sets one foot in front of the other. She immediately proceeds to walk backwards and fall off the cliff.  
  
"MESUINU!!!", Xellos exclaims with panic and immediately teleports to the edge. He looks down, but doesn't see her. He is about to make his way down to search the ravine when he hears a "BIIIIDA!" Startled, he slips off the edge and immediately falls down to the bottom Coyote style. He is not happy. "Mesu...inu!" The two year old giggles. Certainly an evil giggle.  
  
Xellos picks himself up and off of the ravine floor and teleports to the top of the cliff. "Fine! I've HAD it! Do whatever you want! I'm out of here!", Xellos remarks and teleports away. Mesuinu slowly walks towards where Xellos had teleported from. Suddenly she is scooped up into her daddy's arms. "That' my little demon spawn!", Xellos proclaims proudly. Mesuinu pokes him in the eye. "Ow."  
  
"Now that you know how to walk, you need to learn how to talk." Xellos walks down a quaint little village road holding Mesuinu's hand tightly. "Now then, say 'daddy.'" Mesuinu sticks her tongue out. "Then how about say something that daddy really hates.", Xellos suggests. Mesuinu looks up at her daddy with a devious smile. "Say...*shudder* 'Filia.'" "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", Mesuinu screams at the top of her lungs. Xellos smirks. "Well, if you ever learned anything from me, it's to hate Filia. After about ten minutes of screaming, Mesuinu finally quiets down. "Now then, there MUST be something you'd want to say.", Xellos notes. "Suki!", Mesuinu blurts causing her Mazoku daddy to fall flat on his face. Released from his grip, the two year old takes off. "And...she...meant...it...too.", Xellos mutters in pain. (Note: "suki", Japanese for "like" is also used to express "I love you." "Aishiteru" is a more romantic kind of love, so "suki" fits in perfectly here.)  
  
After several hours of tracking and chasing Mesuinu, Xellos manages to scoop her up. "Oh, our next lesson is going to be fun!", Xellos remarks sarcastically. Sighing, he carries her back to their tavern room and takes her to the restroom. "Potty training! Joy of joys!", Xellos cringes as he sets Mesuinu down. "PikaPOO!", Mesuinu giggles spitefully. "This porcelain bowl is called a toilet. When you're old enough to drink alcohol, you'll come to know it as the Porcelain God. Tis the only god us Mazoku care to worship." "Pika...POO!", Mesuinu grunts, filling the room with a hideous stench. "ACK the Porcelain God! No, no, no, and NO! You're a big girl, you poo in the Porcelain God now! Porcelain God demands TRIBUTE! Porcelain God wants ALL of your pee and poo! Give tribute to the Porcelian God!" "Pee...pee...peeka!", Mesu proclaims peeing her diaper.  
  
Xellos hits his head on the toilet in frustration. "By the Porcelian GOD, I've hit a rough spot!" "But just wait til I hit puberity! All the fun we'll have then!", Mesuinu comments energetically with a loud smirk. 


	3. Chapter Three

What? Is it true? Xellos has a daughter?  
  
Chapter Three. Puberty Problems!  
  
"I HATE YOU! I REALLY HATE YOU!", a fourteen year old Mesuinu FEROCIOUSLY screams at her father and immediately teleports away. "And she MENT it!", Xellos exclaims feeling a sudden surge of INTENSE power coursing through him. He smiles momentarily and quickly frowns. Just a few moments ago she had been happy and sickeningly perky. "I seriously hope she's not on her period.", Xellos mutters worried.  
  
Mesuinu appears inside a forest and leans against a tree in frustration. "By the PORCELIAN GOD!", she scowls. Her left hand clinches into an angry fist. Her rage builds up, unbidden. She screams out, and her teeth are clearly more canine and sharp than any humans. "IT HURTS!" She drops her staff, trembling. She grits her teeth in terrible pain.  
  
"If she's hit puberty, I'm in some SERIOUS trouble. Who knows WHAT she'll turn if to?! There's still a possibility that she has another form, but she looked very human when I found her on my doorstep. I can only hope that she has no other form. Just imagine all of the chaos she'd unleash if she did. Actually, that's quite a refreshing image, but she'd probably have no control over such a form. It's not natural to her, and considering how powerful she's become with that white and black magic, even I must confess a fear of her. I do hope Lord Beastmaster knows what she's doing. She's just as likely to destroy us as anyone else."  
  
Mesuinu's right arm slowly starts to transform. Her index finger and bird finger fuse together into a claw, as those her ring finger and pinky. Her moves further down and almost beneath her palm and shifts into a claw as well. From her right shoulder down, her skin turns a dull and hideous shade of peach flalking off into scales before slowly shifting to a sleek silver color. She digs her claws into her forehead as blood trickles down from them causing her pained blue eyes to close and her nose to scrunge up in agony. Her close start to rip at the seams as she slow grows larger. Her breasts DOUBLE their size BURSTING out from her top. She opens her eyes and blinks looking down at them before feeling them to make sure that they are real. She glances at her scaled arms in pain, the sleeves long since torn from them.  
  
Mesuinu scratches at her shoulder blades in sheer displeasure as her nose and mouth elogant into a wolf-like snout and her eyes become slant and her purple hair fades to silver and into her skin. She jerks her arms back and lets out a howled yelp of pain, twisted by her sudden inability to enunciate. The cloth around her shoulder blades rips slowly as an oval shaped and amber colored goo similiar in consistancy to an embryo pours out. Her kneecaps reverse causing her to fall on her clawed hands. Her breasts double again, as well as the rest of her, completely ripping out of her clothes. A small and pointed leather triangle jets out from the amber goo.  
  
One day you find yourself in the mirror smiling  
  
Come the next you're in your room crying  
  
Sooner or later you find you don't know yourself  
  
You've lost the child that you once were  
  
Changing, changing, always growing up  
  
Pain and sorrow overflow  
  
Living, living, gotta step it up  
  
You don't know who you are  
  
Fighting yourself in the mirror  
  
Desperately trying to go back to when  
  
You were carefree and content  
  
There's no way back  
  
And I try  
  
But I fall  
  
Can't find  
  
Myself  
  
And I cry  
  
But I fail  
  
Can't stand  
  
Myself  
  
From the innocent days of my sweet girlhood  
  
I see my reflection now as a unknown monster  
  
Twisted and corrupted by the evils here  
  
Of my miserable and broken surroundings  
  
Changing, changing, always growing up  
  
Angst and torment overflow  
  
Living, living, gotta hurry up  
  
And find out who I am!  
  
And I try  
  
I've lost the child that I once was  
  
And I cry  
  
Twisted and corrupted by the evils here  
  
But I fall  
  
Can't find myself in the mirror no more  
  
But I fail  
  
Never knowing who I really am  
  
Changing, changing, always growing up  
  
Pain and sorrow overflow  
  
Living, living, gotta step it up  
  
You don't know who you are  
  
Changing, changing, always growing up  
  
Angst and torment overflow  
  
Living, living, gotta hurry up  
  
And find out who I am!  
  
Changing, changing, always growing up  
  
Pain and sorrow overflow  
  
Living, living, gotta step it up  
  
And I don't  
  
KNOW WHO I AM!!!  
  
Leathery bat-like wings slowly sprout from Mesuinu's back as her feet turn into wolf-like paws. Her human ears fade and sink into her skull and silver ears shapped like a wolf's form atop her head. Her body double and then tripples in size, her bat wings growing ever longer. As she grows, a LONG tail erupts from her tailbone in a flaky silver scales. Silver-white fur rapidly envelops her body, and is especially thick around her lower half of her body and her tail. Her bones make an audible snap and twist as they shift her body from a bipedal humanoid to a qudraped Mazoku. The pain ceases and the transformation complete, she is now big enough to squash a fairly average sized city by simply landing upon it. More than half of the forest she is in has been reduced to toothpicks in her transforming wake.  
  
With no trace of humanity in her, Mesuinu finds herself adapting to very basic instincts. No longer consumed by human worries or vices, or emotions for that matter, she is free from all that has ever caused humanity to suffer...except for her of course. Without emotion...without memory...without anything more than the instinct to destory, Mesuinu unleashes a FEARSOME spray of fire from her wolf-like mouth. She rips into the ground with her claws unearthing layers upon layers of dirt and thick tree roots. The forest burns rapidly and she begins to flap her elegant and frightening wings further fanning the blaze and spreading it outwords. The delicous cries of animals bursting into flames instantaneously without any hope for escape rises into the air spreading faster than the smoke itself.  
  
Mesuinu roars a twisted mixture of a lion's roar and a wolf's howl. She takes one step foward, causing the ground below her to tremble in her wake. As she is about to take her next step, she collapses, instantly transforming back into her human shape. There she lay naked on the ground, in a midst of a forest turned to ash. Blood slowly trickles and spreads out around her and it doesn't appear that she will regain conscienceness any time soon. 


	4. Chapter Four

What? Is it true? Xellos has a daughter?  
  
Chapter Four. Lists and Quests.  
  
It had been four years since Mesuinu was found in the ashes of a once great and vast woods. Having been found naked in the woods, lightly bruised and soaked in ashes, none could know how she could have survived such a mysterious and deadly occurance, especially near the center of the phenomenon. However, her father, Xellos, had a few theories of his own.  
  
"What happened back then? Not even I know. When she was found, she had no clothes on and couldn't remember anything that had happened after she teleported. What did she do in the woods? Did she transform? What did she turn into? I still have no verification that she can transform. She's only a half-Mazoku, but there's still that possibility. I'm already well aware of the potential devestation she could cause by combining her natural finesse for casting white and black magic, but I still do not know if she can transform. Ah, I probably shouldn't worry about it too much. Lord Beastmaster didn't order me to determined whether or not she can transform. If one thing it did proof...she's very powerful."  
  
"Oi! Otousan!", Mesuinu greets her father coming out from nowhere. "Oi Mesuinu!", Xellos groans as his grown girl embraces him in a tight hug. Mesuinu lets go with a smirk. "Do you know what day it is?" Xellos raises a brow and sweatdrops. "Uh, the day you annoy me?" "Wow, I didn't think you remembered my birthday!", Mesuinu exclaims in shock. "Oh, yes, your birthday. You're turning twelve now, right?", Xellos comments. Mesuinu glares at her father. "Eighteen, I'm turning eighteen." "How could I forget your eighteenth birthday?! The day I had been looking foward all of these past eighteen years! The day I get to kick you out once and for all!", Xellos exclaims with sheer Mazoku delight.  
  
Mesuinu shakes her head. "Oh, but I do have a present for you!", Xellos informs. "Oh? GIMME GIMME GIMME!" Xellos hands her a thick roll of parchment. "What's this? It's too big to be a scroll of magical spells, even if it lists all of the spells in all aspects of magic from all parts of the world.", Mesuinu notes. "It's actually a list of who your mother can't be.", Xellos answers frankly. Mesuinu falls over. "A list of who my mother CAN'T BE?!!! YOU'VE NARROWED IT DOWN THIS MUCH AND YOU STILL DON'T KNOW?!" "Well there ARE six billion and counting humans on this planet, and of course you've got to take in consideration all of the other humanoids that might possibly be sexually compatible enough to produce you and well...I don't even think I could count that high, so I really haven't narrowed it down at all.", Xellos admits. Mesuinu glares again at her father. "Haven't narrowed it down at all? Don't tell me it's blank!" "Of course not! I didn't spend eighteen years writing nothing! It is completely and totally full! If I wrote anymore you'd have to travel all the way around the universe to finish reading it! Well, now then you can set out on your quest!"  
  
"And what about you? What will YOU be doing while I'm gone?", Mesuinu demands. "Sore wa himitsu desu!", Xellos retorts with his famous line. "Hana wo shite kudasai.", Mesuinu orders her dad to give her a straight answer (lit. Please speak). "I don't know...I'll find something to do now that you're not around." "You're going to miss me?" "By the Porcelian God...no!"  
  
Mesuinu manifests a microphone into her hand. "Oh no! You're not going to sing!", Xellos quakes with fear (ANUBIS ANUBIS WE LOVE ANUBIS AKA SHUTEN DOJI!!!!). "As nightsiren02 requested, I'm going to sing But Daddy But! Of course, what she didn't know was that I was going to sing it anyways, but let us boost her ego for a bit, shall we?" Xellos tries to teleport away, but fails. "Hey! I'm not an abra and I'm not in a trainer battle!", Xellos protests to no avail.  
  
"I'm just a girl [Mesuinu bats her eyelashes innocently]  
  
Never hurt anyone [Mesuinu hits Xellos with her staff]  
  
But daddy but...  
  
But daddy but  
  
I want to do this [Mesuinu tap dances with her staff]  
  
But daddy but [Mesuinu stops tap dancing]  
  
I want to be that [Mesuinu's outfit changes to that of an Amazon warrior]  
  
But daddy...but [Mesuinu's outfit reverts to normal]  
  
I know it must be sad [Mesuinu makes sad eyes]  
  
To see your little girl grown, [Mesuinu makes her breasts bounce slightly]  
  
But take heart in  
  
The chaos I've sown [Mesuinu gives a tradition Xellos eyes closed smile]  
  
I can be that girl again [Mesuinu smiles innocently]  
  
Just say the word  
  
And it'll be so! [Mesuinu turns into a chibi]  
  
But daddy but  
  
Who is my mommy?  
  
But daddy but  
  
Why don't you know?  
  
But daddy...but [Mesuinu reverts back to her adult form]  
  
I am different from this world  
  
Different and the same as you  
  
But does that daddy,  
  
Make me stronger than you? [Xellos sweatdrops, relieved that she isn't singing about love and peace]  
  
But daddy but  
  
Why can I do the things I do?  
  
But daddy but  
  
Am I just a half-mazoku? [Xellos sweatdrops again]  
  
But daddy but  
  
Why am I the way I am  
  
But daddy but  
  
You just don't understand [Mesuinu makes a pouty and rebellious face]  
  
But daddy...  
  
I love you!" ^^ [Mesuinu hugs Xellos as he falls over]  
  
"Bye daddy! I'll miss annoying you! I'm going off to look for my mother!", Mesuinu informs and teleports away. "Dear Porcelian God, I thought she'd never leave.", Xellos mutters relieved.  
  
"Alright, you're in a dark and dank dungeon.", Zelgadis introduces. "Can I get a beer?" "Yah go ahead!" "I can cast any of the spells on the list?", Lina asks for clarification. "Yes." "Can I get some lollipops?" "Go ahead!" "I'm going to cast Magic Missile." "Uh-oh, Lina's casting a spell!" "Huh, what? What are you doing Lina?", Zelgadis asks. "I'm casting Magic Missile." "But there's nothing to attack.", Zel informs. "I'm at the bar, right? Am I getting drunk?!" Zel rolls a few dice. "YES YOU'RE GETTING DRUNK!" "I attack the darkness!", Lina informs. "Okay...okay you attack the darkness." Everyone begins to laugh. "HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!!" Their ears start to bleed and Zelgadis throws a sharp d4 at, yes, Naga causing her to shut up. "Alright, you see an elf." "That's me, right?", Gourry wonders. "He's got blonde hair and gray eyes." "Blue eyes.", Gourry corrects. "Let me see your sheet.", Zel orders and looks at Gourry's character sheet. "It says gray, but I decided I wanted blue." Zel rolls his eyes. "Anyways, you two see each other. You can talk if you want." "I'm Gourry." "I'm Lina, sorceress of light!" "Then why'd you have to cast Magic Missile on the darkness?", Gourry retorts. Everyone laughs again and Zel has to throw another d4 at Naga. "Alright, you're surrounded by trolls!" "What? I casted Mortekhaim's Magical Watch Dog!", Lina protests. "But you didn't actually cast it. You didn't say that you were casting it."  
  
"Well enough of that," Mesuinu begins, "I better stop procrastinating and begin my quest. Where to begin? Oh right! Dad gave me a list of who can't be my mother. I better start looking at it." Mesuinu takes out the parchment and unrolls it. It continues to roll down through the city, on through the woods, and into the next kingdom over before she finally loses sight of it. "Uh...that's pretty long."  
  
Lina Inverse cannot be your mother because I would never sleep with such a flat-chested and beanpoled little girl unless Lord Beastmaster ordered me to, and Lord Beastmaster hasn't ordered me to so she's not your mother.  
  
Amelia Wil Tesla Seiryuun cannot be your mother for obvious reasons that I shouldn't even after to state. Think love and justice and that should explain everything.  
  
Naga the Serpent, formly known as Princess Gracia of Seiryuun, cannot be your mother. Even though beer and coffee go good together, her laugh and my eardrums do not.  
  
Martina cannot be your mother because she's married. Actually, that wouldn't stop me, but she's an otaku and she really scares me, though not as much Naga.  
  
Sylphiel cannot be your mother because she's madly in love with Gourry. The whole goody-goody goes against my personality as well.  
  
Lord Beastmaster cannot be your mother because technically, she's your grandmother and she wouldn't let me do that with her. It's so unfair!  
  
Lord of Nightmares cannot be your mother for we all simply exist. If we ceased to have exist, then she might actually be a possibility.  
  
Filia Ul Copt can NEVER EVER ABSOLUTELY WITHOUT THE SLIGHTLY CHANCE OR POSSIBILTY be your mother in any way, shape, or form because she is a loudmouthed, annoying, hideous, hypocritical, loathsome, ridiculous, snobby,stubborn, arrogant golden dragon that is bossy, irritating, boorish, repugnant, duplicitious, despicable, preposterous, obstinate , stuck-up, supercilious, domineering, vexing, uncouth, obnoxious, treacherous, vile, outlandish, adamant , snooty, pompous, officious, frustrating, coarse, intolerable, precarious, abhorrent, eccentric, obdurate, pretentious, haughty, interfering, exasperating, crass, unendurable, internecine, aberrant, zigzagging, la-di-da, monochromatic, killjoy, pallid, quarrelsome, namby-pamby, vehement, bucolic, yuppie, subnormal, chauvinistic, febrile, deadening, abnoxious, travesty, anachronistic, infuriating, sycophantic, uncongenial, callous, innocuous, impractical, obscure, obsequiously, obsessive, tenacious, obstreperous, pertinacious, peturbed, purulent, cantankerous, sacredotal, sadistic, sanguinary, sassy, maladjusted, maladroit, malecontent, mangy.......  
  
"Uh-huh. I think that's really all too much more than I needed to know.", Mesuinu comments. She shakes her head and sighs. She begins rolling up her parchment. Two weeks later, it is all rolled up and she is ready to set out on her journey. 


End file.
